BELONGING...

So I had quite an interesting experience the other day... which I would like to talk about today...but First:


OH MY GOSH THE STRANGEST THING JUST HAPPENED TODAY!!!!! So I was on my way home from school today, after completing my hardest final yet in College, having only 3 hours of sleep the night before and being SUPER tired and hungry... I was half asleep, half devouring an ice cream sandwich I got from a gasoline station when I came across a stop sign. I was so busy eating and not paying enough attention that I did the popular "California Stop." I looked both ways, and noticing a cop car AS I PROCEEDED THROUGH THE INTERSECTION and hoping that he didn't notice, I realized that I was tough outta luck. He pulled me over faster than a one-legged man could river dance!! ..........So ya, long story shorrrrrrt, with luck on my side, I TOTALLY GOT OUT OF IT!! =) Which was completely attributed to a Higher Source than myself. I was super shaky because this was my 2nd time getting pulled over for something in 2 weeks and I literally have NO IDEA why he ended up dismissing my $450 ticket and just giving me a warning, but it happened. I know that from now on, I'm gonna be drivin' like an old lady after being shown that kinda mercy!! But that's not the strangest thing that happened- the strange thing was that my Twin sister sends me a message not even an hour later, saying that AN HOUR AGO, SHE GOT PULLED OVER TOO!!!!! HAAA!!! BOTH of us got pulled over by cops, I was heading HOME, she was headed TO SCHOOL; BOTH got warnings only and the cops ended up being nice!! Isn't that strange?? =D =D Call it strange, call it miraculous, call it cheesy.. I'll leave that up to you.


BUT ANYWAAAAYYYYYS, like I was saying beforrrrrrrre (before I was so RUDELY INTERRUPTED by uh, myself...), here's what I meant to say earlier. I was on campus signing an agreement form for a National Student Exchange Program that I have just been accepted into, and the waiver I had to sign had a question that truly stood out to me and I could not forget it. "In case of emergencies, who is responsible for you?" Now I don't want to make this sound like an old-fashioned scene where the hot guy comes in a the last minute or the long lost parents of an orphan comes in at the end of a long desperate search to find a place in life, but this was reality for me. Who IS responsible for me? I don't have parents to claim that they own me... I can't say my last foster parents because they'll be living 2 states away and it would be too inconvenient to have them take responsibility if something were to happen to me.... Or the Governator, or the Riverside County Judge who once held all of my education and living rights in the palm of her hands... Hmmm, it was a tough question. I want to mention a word, or phrase, or even a sentence that means a lot to me: BELONGING.

What exactly does the term BELONGING mean to me? To tell you the truth, I have no idea yet. Growing up in foster care after so many homes and families denied me of even the slightest fraction of a percentage of a sense of belonging to them, it was hard to feel wanted. It was hard to feel accepted or understood, and even acknowledged at many times. Lucky for me, I aged out of foster care and have successfully emancipated. The hard part is this- when I go to Utah on this new "exploration" of life, I need to develop a whole new network of friends, neighbors and associates so that I do not feel like a loner out there. I get nervous whenever I think of what my Twin will do out here while I'm gone. I've told her for MONTHS to sign up for this program so we could both get in together!! But she did not listen, and it was too late- now I'm going to be separated from her and will be on my own for AN ENTIRE year. =O

Sure I'm an adult. Sure I'm independent, and smart, and humorous; and fully capable of living anywhere in the U.S. I want, and doing well there; and sure I'm preparing now for my FANTASTIC future, but I don't know too many other identical twins who grew up and did EVERYTHING together- walked, talked, ate, learned, BREATHED together, and are just randomly going to separate. I would like to talk to other twins some day and see if it was hard for them. We did everything together!! Modeling, acting, she took my classes that were too hard in school, I took hers; we tricked people and did many shows together, had many friends together, etc. How will our friends react to just ONE OF US there? Would "we" lose our cool? (hopefully not, please!! That would be almost pathetic)This is going to be very hard for the both of us, and I imagine that there will be many times in the near future that I will feel that no one's as good as "MY TWIN" and that I don't belong out there, and I'm sure Karri will feel the same way when I'm gone.

I know it will be hard, but that's why we're starting now- by changing our looks and getting a feel of what its like to be "different people," we will start to act a little different, and hopefully be able to be a little more independent of each other in small ways in preparation for THE BIG MOVE. It's already hard now- I go to school on my own, I have a different hair color, we both work different jobs, she does modeling and I do acting and stand0up comedy... I'm already noticing a slight difference in how others treat us. When we're together we get more attention. We're TheTwinz. =) =) But on our own, we're just "one of the twinz." =( The purpose of me writing this entire blog is to publicly express to the world how DIFFERENT we are and can be, yet I always end up reflecting on the Amazing things we have in life just because of who WE are. =/ It's hard...

Whelp, My departure date is set for July 5th. Wish us both luck!! I'll continue to keep everyone posted on this Amazing journey of mine! Until then, =) ITS BEDTIME FOR ME!!