Getting Started with Life... My View

Heyyyy everyone, I'd like to welcome my new follower! LOL I noticed that my blog now has 10 people.. Haha that's not the actual number of people who are reading my blog though. I actually have a setting here that blasts my blog out as an email to another 20-50 people. And if you know anyone who would be inspired by my words, feel free to share this with them!!!

Like my new head shot?? Things are looking REALLY good for me in Utah! I just signed a 1-year contract with Urban Talent, a modeling/acting agency in Salt Lake City, UT. I'm really excited to finally be able to work out my dream-come-true here and I know that doing so is not the easiest but is definitely worth it. I'm getting into film instead of doing modeling and commercials where I usually improvise or am in the background..

I'm staying very active here in Utah. Active of course in Church and school, and also in extracurricular activities. I'm currently taking a few classes BESIDES college right now- I'm taking a Phase I Professional Actor's Workshop class, a hip hop dance class, a break-dancing class and also I go dancing every Thursday, Friday and Saturday night. I'm also making plans to volunteer at children's centers and just play with the kids. I eventually want to be a TV show host for a Children's Talk show (which I will do later on in life because I need experience of having my own kids first that I can add to my experience on the show). I figured all these "communication" and "child psychology" classes will make me an Excellent mother, and what better idea than to take classes for these in Utah, which is KNOWN for high family Values?? =)

I LOVE kids more than anything. Everyone who knows me would agree. Kids like me too, which is a good thing. :) It's always fun whenever I go to the store after having a horrible day and I see a baby look and smile at me- it warms my heart. I love how, whenever I am walking through the city or in the mall, I dress up very feminine and wear a skirt, heels, bouncy curls, a cute purse and of course, A SMILE and whenever kids see me their eyes glow and I have no idea what they're thinking, but I'm sure it's something nice. :) Something along the lines of "She must be a fun adult!" Kids know what "fun adults" are and I've been called one MANY times before. There have been countless times when, as I'm playing with kids, they say, "How come you don't act like all the other adults? They're all old and boring, and you're a grown-up but you're fun." I love that. :)

I would never want to live the life of one of those strict, mean grumpy adults who never have time to goof off or play with kids- the only thing that's good for is to assist people in the "rapid aging" process. Life is too fun to be boring, or mean, or strict or to not want to play! I mean, there are times to be serious, but I think those should be very seldom.

On holidays, my foster families would always have 2 tables- one for the adults and one for the kids and honestly, I've NEVER sat at the adult table. I've attempted to once but their conversation became so dull and boring and sometimes draining that I would have rather melted into a puddle of slime and rolled onto the floor and had the dog eat me than having to listen for 2 more minutes.. I always went and sat with the kids because they had more interesting conversations (everyone knows this). Older people would always see me in "play mode" (which is like, always) and say, "You think it's so easy? Wait 'til you have kids," and I tell them, "Bring it on!!! I'll be the mom to START the food fight!" Then they usually smirk and get back to whatever they were doing..

Life is Great and I am Blessed. :)

Heh heh hehhhhh....

Hahhh it's like, 2:40am right now and I'm writing a blog.

It's dark..

..and cold..

..I can't hear anything but my breath and my heart beating fast. Where am I?

I'm on a boat!!!

JK JK JK I should probably turn on a light.. Just got home LOL.

How long has it been since I moved here, anyways?? Wowww I feel like a cast away or a prisoner who scratches into the wall (with their bare fingernails) a mark for every day they stay isolated.. Haa well Utah is not THAT bad. I am making many new friends here and I really like that. I've been dancing all night with hundreds of people. I work at Studio 600 and I get to help promote it online.

Lemme tell you a little bit about Studio 600. I think it's an AMAZING place. A Splendid idea!!! (Ok that sounded nerdy) Studio 600 is a non-alcoholic club located in the center of Salt Lake City. They don't serve anything but water and energy drinks. Lots of young adults come here on the weekends and dance, meet people, and have fun. AND they actually GO HOME afterwards. That's what I like about it. (Mothers you don't have to be so worried about your kids now!) The owner is Mormon and despite how some people think a club without drinks is lame, I REALLY admire my boss. He enforces LDS standards to everyone who goes in- that is, no drinking, smoking, drug usage, no inappropriate behavior, and everyone who goes in MUST dress modestly. I really like the fact that these rules are enforced. This one man has a great vision in mind for this place and he has made a difference in so many people's lives-- think about it:

This eliminates all the bad, rude nasty people who hang around clubs just to do bad stuff. It eliminates all the druggies and the gangsters. Its is not a Mormon-only club, he just wants good people there- people to come and go and Remember how much fun they had the night before. HUNDREDS of married couples today have met there and many people who are dating happily have met there also. It's honestly a Good Place and a good cause. Why not help promote it to EVERYONE in Salt Lake City?? I also get to go to all their dances free which is totally awesome =) I like Studio 600.

Besides that, I just took my first 2 exams at school. It's only been 2 weeks since school started!!! Ugh I have a lonnnnnng way to go. I hate semester systems with a passion. Its like, 10 weeks at a quarter-system school and "YOU'RE DONE!!! Peace out, Professor!!! Have a nice life!!!" **insert fireworks and rejoicing young adults dancing here** =D But a semester system.... Ughhhhh it's lonnnnnnnnng and laaaaaaaaame and it goes on for about 20 weeks!!! Blehh..

On a good note, I went to the Salt Lake City Temple last Tuesday and it was BEYOND AMAZING!!!!!!! =D It's Beautiful inside and everyone there was so nice!!! I seriously had a stiff sore face afterwards from all my smiling. PLUS I met people there who took me out to ice cream afterwards! Total strangers!!! They were Super nice and-- Oh man I just love how it's easy for me to make friends. I'm so glad I am a nice person and am not too reserved or too shy to talk to people. It makes all the difference while being out here and helps me not feel alone.. As Otus the cow in Barnyard puts it: "It starts with a smile and slowly BUILDS!!!" =D

I had fun at the dance tonight.. It's 3am right now. I just got home. I was dressed up like a break dancer and I made all these friends with the B-boys and they're teaching me a few new moves. Haa just WAIT til I come to California and show everyone what I got!!! =D Wooo I can't wait. Haa OK OK I'll go to sleep now...

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZzz... ;)

Yessss Life is Sooooooooo Tough... :(

I guess I learned my lesson about Fairy Tale Fantasies vs. Faith.. Finally I see it more clearly. Fairy tales are nice and happy and in the end, birds chirp, rainbows light up the sky while butterflies and flowers sing as they glimmer in the sunlight. Everybody wins. Everybody gets a set of wings and can fly away into the sunset and everyone's happy and they never have any problems again. Its obvious, isn't it? How do I apply that to reality? Hmmm... I really dunno.

Faith on the other hand, has a lot to do with trusting in a Higher source for guidance. And it deals with sacrifice. And a hope in a bright future, and for things which are not seen. With Faith all things are possible but not guaranteed. sadly, everybody doesn't win. I like that answer more than the first- its the truth. It sounds more promising. It seems more real and I've seen it work TONS of times in my life. Why not trust in Faith?

At this point I really wish I could be given a set of wings and was able to fly away from all my problems in life.. I would be gone faster than a one legged man can river-dance. But I haven't had the slightest feeling that the possibility of something like that happening is even possible. =( So here I must admit, that life is tough. But that doesn't mean its the end of it- obviously I'm still alive and got a lonnnnnng way to go..

So a bunch of people are wondering exactly WHAT THE HECK I WAS THINKING!! when I broke up with Randy…

Here’s the thing. Most people have a mental list of qualities that they want or hope to see in a future spouse. They both need to have physical, mental, emotional as well as Spiritual attributes. However, if one does not have some of those traits before marriage, he or she most likely will not somehow develop them throughout life in marriage, but will remain the same all their lives, and practice the same habits all their lives with little to no change. There are numerous studies that prove this. I don't believe in the whole "list" thingy but I do believe that there are basic things that a guy “Corri” dates exclusively should have.

A serious relationship to me is where you date one person exclusively and you see if they're the right person for marriage. If it works, it works. If not, then you drop it before you both become too attached and things get bad. There's no third option. You can't keep someone around just because “it’s fun” or you "look good together" or because you don't wanna be alone- that's Super Selfish and it's not fair for either person.

Randy is a great guy. He’s super sweet, fun to be around, and everyone said we “look cute together.” I enjoyed being around him- he really was like a best friend for me. I am Extremely grateful for him and his kindness. He was strong, protective, honest, and easy to trust. I know he would’ve done anything for me. He had all the physical and the mental qualities that I admired in a person, BUT... that was it.

It wouldn’t be right for me to list his flaws or mistakes or errs. Regardless of them, I’m not that kind of person. He honestly was a nice person and did nothing wrong. I’m pretty sure that the worse thing I’ve ever done in my entire life was break his heart by breaking things off, and it was not fun and I felt REALLY bad- but it had to be done.

Randy confessed that he did not see me being his future spouse and that he had every intention of just dating me for a while and breaking things off at the end of the year when it was time for me to go home. *** Just like that. Us, just departing and never talking again as if the whole thing meant Nothing to either one of us. THAT’S what bothered me. Knowing that it would not work out, that it was not meant to be eternal, how could I stay in that type of relationship? It’s apparent that we each have a different definition of the word “love."

Growing up in foster care and in and out of many different homes, schools, jobs, etc., I know how important it is to maintain healthy relationships THAT LAST. I have lived a life full of people who walk into my life and then just walk out without the slightest regards to whether they meant anything to me at all. From an early age I’ve grown a tendency to cling to anyone I know will be around in fear of losing them and being alone. My biggest fear is losing people who mean a lot to me. At the same time, I cannot stay with someone knowing that we’re not meant to be together- it’s almost like, waiting to say goodbye.

I totally thought it would have been a waste of time to keep dating him. I could not see him as an eternal companion either, but rather just a really good “friend.” I’m not saying that he meant nothing to me- he was my best friend in Utah. I didn’t want to hang around Randy though as his girlfriend and limit my dating options knowing that things would not last between us. I did not want to limit HIS options either and ruin it if Ms. Right did come around for him- by being in her way. I thought about it- If we were to just keep dating “because it was fun,” and the end of the year came and it was time for me to go back home to California, I would totally have had a harder time breaking things off later, knowing that we both have different plans for our lives.

Dating is a very important thing for me and I don’t like to think of it as an excuse to not be a loner. Even though I do not have experience with long relationships like many of my friends do, one thing I have learned and I offer this advice to all, is this- “The wrong person is the Right person to lead you to the BEST person.” Every person you date is better than the last in SOME WAY and that you learn something new in each relationship. I know that the right person will come around in time, and that I must be patient and continue to live in a way that I will be available and worthy of him when we do meet. There should be no fear in the thought of being single or alone- that’s just what the adversary wants. The opposite of fear is FAITH and that is the power by which I find comfort and hope and I know that I my life will unfold as it should as long as I stay positive, optimistic and do as Heavenly Father asks- for He knows what’s best for me. I really appreciate nice things, but something that’s more valuable to me than roses, teddy bears, ice cream and a card when I’m sick is a Priesthood Blessing and that’s something I can't get from just any guy.

Week 3.. Is it REALLY??

I'm fine, thanks for asking! How are you??

I'd like to apologize in advance because I cannot write much today although this week has really been Sumpthin! I have been sick for the last 3 days.. may have had something to do with stress, or anxiety, or being overwhelmed by my new homework but it was SOOO Not cool to be both homesick AND home sick. I think I had like, Meningitis or something. And I just found out that my health insurance DOES NOT work out here.. (Of course!) Thus, I stayed in bed all day. I'm getting better now.. I guess that's why I type instead of speak in my blog.

What made my week Completely is that Randy called me after I sadly cancelled our date for the night due to my high fever. I told him we couldn't hang out because I didn't want him getting sick and that I needed to rest. I wake up about an hour later and my roommate Messah's banging on my door saying "CORRI!!! You have a surprise here!!!" So I dragged myself out of bed and slouched down the hall after nearly blacking out because of a POUNDING headache that overcame me as soon as I stood up- and there he was.

I was so glad to see Randy and grateful that he came to visit "the sick and afflicted" LOL but he did more than that- he brought me a quart of cookie dough ice cream, a teddy bear, a get-well soon card and a dozen roses. I was like, =O !!!

As little girls we always daydream of our Prince Charming who comes in and sweeps us off our feet right in the middle of our moment of distress- he's tall, handsome, strong, courageous, valiant, faithful, humble, True, etc. etc. We often give up on our dreams because we never see people like that anymore and we lose hope and stop believing and turn away and deny ourselves of our inner child. Our once "Fairy Tale" fantasy becomes a lie to us and we end up living a life full of dread and dullness and convince ourselves that just because we don't believe it anymore that it's not real. Most people lose faith and end up settling for whatever slithers their way OR WORSE- they're so used to not believing that they settle for an unhappy life and completely MISS it when Prince Charming DOES come around!!! Or they don't recognize him and they pass him by and never know what could've been.. Ahh the fear of the unknown..

I'm not an unhappy person. I am not meant to live an unhappy life. Whether or not my life unfolds as I want it to, I will remain positive and optimistic and happy about it because Heavenly Father has blessed me in SO MANY WAYS and I recognize it. I see it everyday. I have a beloved Father in Heaven who loves me and cares about me and wants what's BEST for me. There's no room for even a Speck of anything that is not positive in my future.

...I just sometimes wish I could recognize the difference between Fantasy and Faith when it comes to love.